Change. Choices. Knowledge.

At some point of our lives, we sit down and think about how our lives have been thus far and think about rather or not we've made the right choices or made mistakes that takes us to insanity. I had several of those moments and seems like I do not realize the great importance of those decisions and how it will deeply affect my future. Change is a hard process and its not like I could change from one day to another. If I really want to change I need to set myself to straight and think about the consequences about the decisions I make because if I don't, I'm more likely to commit the mistake again and I do not want to go through that process. I'm tired of this and just want to stop worrying about the regrets and move on with my life. If not I will always be stuck in the past and the past is the place that no one wants to be. And plus, we can not take back what we did, we just need to learn how to live with the choices that we make even though it may be hard at first one learns to over come it. It's strange, you see sometimes I do not know when I'm going to start writing something inspirational. I usually start writing and nothing much comes out until I think about what I've learn at school and apply to what I've seen and suddenly I begin to write. We all have been given knowledge and it's up to the person how to use it.

Be the change of the world.

New Week

Last days at CSULB, even though how scary it may sound its the truth. As  the semester is whining down, I'm forth to think about how my semester went and think about the good and bad things happen. Perhaps it may not went according to plan, I really enjoyed myself. I had the pleasure of meeting new people through HaU as well in La Raza. I also got to learn new concepts, new ideas, new way of looking of society and think about how society can be so ignorant sometimes. Wow. Is the only word that comes into mind as I'm taking the time to write this piece. It has been so hetic these few days and finally some peace and quiet. Well not quite but almost there though, just few more days and I'll be out of here and time to hit the bed. Oh I wish, but I know during this break I'll need to get off my butt and look for a job or something that gains me some experience. At this rate, I'm not going anywhere and that really bites because I've coming to school for the past few years and what would it all been if I don't get to work with youth. Another semester has fallen, within a year from now I'll be done and that really should frighten me but at the same time I'll be relieve because I completed what I had started. Well let's see how the rest of my week goes maybe just maybe I'll be back before then and continue this post.

GOOD LUCK.

Another "ahhhh" Day

How am I suppose to ignore everything that I have within me? Besides the thoughts of assignments and other important dates I still can not get my mind off everything, especially "what's his face". No matter how hard I tried to procrastinate on my assignments there is no instant that I do not think of him. What's wrong with me? Why can't I go one day without thinking about him? I hate that I have to waste my time writing about someone who I know will never see me more than a friend. I need more busy work.... more and more until I realize he is no longer in mind. As I'm walking to one place to another, I try to think about school and how I'm stressing myself out but at some point he comes out. H. I want to say it's just an obsession but no, its not. Today prior to my class this morning, I took a 2 hour nap at Raza, and guess what I was thinking (dreaming) about, well him, not hard to guess. But that dream seem more than a dream it seem like reality, it felt so real as he was there by my side and hugging me. How weird is that? Seriously I think see someone about that.

But in other news, today I feel a bit better than yesterday. Seriously, that trip that I made during the weekend messed me up. Was it worth it? Yes, I had a blast with my girls. But I just wish I was a bit responsible though. Things happen for a reason right? But this time I really think that I didn't make the right choice thought. Or I don't know I'm more confused more than ever. Mi friend. I wish he could just text me again, I don't want to text him because I don't want to bother him. I'm going to give him his space. I just don't want to lose him, I really don't. I remember the first time I met him. HaU & HU So Cal Bash @El Dorado Park. HAhaha back in May 2010. I've known him about 2 years and 6 months. Memories <3. I want him to know that he knows me and he knows that the way I acted yesterday wasn't me. Oh get this, yesterday I went to the student health center and told me that I wasn't doing well and sent me home and rest. And fortunately this morning I was doing better.

Well lets see how this goes.!!!!

The Weekend: Demanding.

Have you ever felt that you wish you never had a particular conversation with a friend. That friend that you always considered as a close friend even though that you two haven't hung out or talked for a while. Well I do regret my behavior towards that friend. I must admit that I was not in my 5 senses, I will say a part of it is because of that but also I must admit that it was me who is impatience when people don't respond their texts. The more that I think about it, I regret it. I just don't know what got to me this weekend that I just demanded. I must admit that I was demanding to him, which I have no idea why? It was just fluid that I was drinking that didn't let me think. I don't know if he is ever going to talk to me again. The more and more I read the text messages, the more I realize how stupid and crazy I was in writing those messages to him. He's my friend, just thinking about that, its just plain wrong and weird. I'm sadly to say that I think I lost him. Yet again. I don't know what to think anymore. A part of me is OMG, why did I say that but for reason that other part of me is like I was actually looking forward to what we have been talking about it. It seem right for some reason but what's the point now he's not ever going to talk to me again. I hate myself for that. The worst thing is that I was actually felt this was going to work out that I did something that I don't think I could take back. I mean I could erase the messages but I could not erase... Nevermind. I wish he could read this and realize I'm sorry and wish I could take back all my demanding back. He should know me by now that I'm not like that. Little by little I'm regaining my will power back and it's taking me a while to adjust back to school. Until this point I have not yet thought about t he consequences of my actions. Well just the risk of losing him and I really don't want that to happen. if I could take that back I would take it back.

It seems like the world is against right now. I just receive a text from my mother saying that I got the hospital bill and guess how much is it? 27,000 yes, omg I just don't know what to do. Now i really do need to get a job. maybe not come next semester and work it out. For reals, why me? I really don't know what to do. I'm lost and confused. What am i suppose to do now?

For now, regarding to my friend, I'll just let him cool down and hopefully he texts me soon if not I just don't know what I'm going to do without him. And the hospital thing, I'm not so sure about that. let's just see how everything plays out.

Losing You...

Losing you is like losing hope

Hope in everything that I once believed in;

No matter how much I try I know I will never reach it

Losing you when I never had you is dumb I know

But I had hope that one day you turn around and see the girl who is standing here

The girl who always too shy to talk to you but always smiles when you say hi

Losing you is a sign that you aren’t meant for me

I just thought I finally found the right guy that I was looking for

But yet again I was wrong

Losing you is agonizing but I’ll learn to accept this, eventually

Time is all I need to take this all in

And distance from you will be painful but will serve me good;

That way I will heal

Losing you is a defeat but there are other important battles I need to face

Battles in which I know I could win

And you were a battle that I couldn’t win but I know I will survive