Livin' Life

I want to say things are going to get better and everything is going to turn out to be fine but I really can’t say because I don’t know.  This past year I have realize in order to move on, one needs to let go of the past and start over otherwise that person will always be living in the past. The past is gone and one needs to let go, as much it may hurt, at the end you’ll be glad you left it. It may be hard at first but with the help of others it will slowly go away. With the loving support from family, friends and GOD anything is possible. I know for me it has, for the last few years I have been hanging on my past, always too afraid of what people may think, too scare to live life, and hard to trust people who always disappoint me. But hey, if we don’t take a risk we will always be afraid, living life afraid is just stupid.

Writing is my Medicine

Writing perhaps maybe the only thing from saving me making a fool of myself once more; each time I try it seems like I’m doom to failure. I want to say that things will eventually get better but I cannot say. The future is beyond my control and cannot predict what’s going to happen next. I want to believe again but each disillusion has really affected me and sometimes these scars are hard to heal.  Time will see if I will be able to believe again. For now I need to stay strong and think about what’s important in life. Family. Friends. and God who will always be there in the good and bad times. :)

Another Semester is Gone

Last post of the semester, it seems like if it was just yesterday that it was the first day of school and now it's over. Time flies when you are having a great time. A lot of amazing things happen over these past 16 weeks and I want to say that I have learned and gain new things as well as new experiences that I will cherish. Perhaps towards the end I was a bit fragile and it seem like everything was coming apart but at the end I knew that it didn't matter what people said or do was going to affect me. It may have disappointed me to see that they weren't the people that I expected to be but I took that disappointment as a positive thing. I took that rage inside of me and put it into my school work. I know I may be wasting my time writing this post but writing is a relaxation method for me and taking time to write this helps me to develop my thoughts and ideas.  Thoughts and ideas that I will need to focus on my finals. Another semester has ended and the only left is to finish strong and hopefully afterwards get some peace from school and other worries that may be bothering us. Overall, I'm just glad that I finally finish the semester and hopefully the next few days I could stay focus and finish strong in my classes.

Let's Do This.

True Colors

"Cara vemos, corazones no sabemos"

You really don't know a person until their true colors come out. Why does it hurt to find out that the person who you thought you knew turns out to be a jerk? I really thought he was my friend; it saddens me to realize that I never really knew him. I don't know if he has been always like this or is it since that night that everything has changed. The more I think about it the more i realize his change of his behavior, I've never seen this side of him before. After this disappointment I'm really doubting who is actually my friend. I'm tired of people always disappointing me, did i do something wrong that I bought this upon myself? Did I cause anyone any pain for me to for me to deserve this? Why am I always meeting the wrong people in my life? Disappointment after disappointment it seems like the universe doesn't want me to be happy. I try and try to live my life as much as possible but its hard when you are surrounded with disappointment. I'm so angry and frustrated with pain; pain that I wish I could make it disappear. I do not want to cry for someone who doesn't give a damn about me, doesn't care if he hurts my feelings; what kind of friend does that another friend. Enough is enough I can not let him or anyone bring me down again especially that finals are coming up. He's not going to bring me down. No!!!! I need to stop thinking about him and move on and concentrate on my work. I hate that I have waste time thinking about him, not worth it. 

Not worth it. Not worth it. Not worth it. 

I don't need friends like him in my life.

 

Change. Choices. Knowledge.

At some point of our lives, we sit down and think about how our lives have been thus far and think about rather or not we've made the right choices or made mistakes that takes us to insanity. I had several of those moments and seems like I do not realize the great importance of those decisions and how it will deeply affect my future. Change is a hard process and its not like I could change from one day to another. If I really want to change I need to set myself to straight and think about the consequences about the decisions I make because if I don't, I'm more likely to commit the mistake again and I do not want to go through that process. I'm tired of this and just want to stop worrying about the regrets and move on with my life. If not I will always be stuck in the past and the past is the place that no one wants to be. And plus, we can not take back what we did, we just need to learn how to live with the choices that we make even though it may be hard at first one learns to over come it. It's strange, you see sometimes I do not know when I'm going to start writing something inspirational. I usually start writing and nothing much comes out until I think about what I've learn at school and apply to what I've seen and suddenly I begin to write. We all have been given knowledge and it's up to the person how to use it.

Be the change of the world.

New Week

Last days at CSULB, even though how scary it may sound its the truth. As  the semester is whining down, I'm forth to think about how my semester went and think about the good and bad things happen. Perhaps it may not went according to plan, I really enjoyed myself. I had the pleasure of meeting new people through HaU as well in La Raza. I also got to learn new concepts, new ideas, new way of looking of society and think about how society can be so ignorant sometimes. Wow. Is the only word that comes into mind as I'm taking the time to write this piece. It has been so hetic these few days and finally some peace and quiet. Well not quite but almost there though, just few more days and I'll be out of here and time to hit the bed. Oh I wish, but I know during this break I'll need to get off my butt and look for a job or something that gains me some experience. At this rate, I'm not going anywhere and that really bites because I've coming to school for the past few years and what would it all been if I don't get to work with youth. Another semester has fallen, within a year from now I'll be done and that really should frighten me but at the same time I'll be relieve because I completed what I had started. Well let's see how the rest of my week goes maybe just maybe I'll be back before then and continue this post.

GOOD LUCK.

Another "ahhhh" Day

How am I suppose to ignore everything that I have within me? Besides the thoughts of assignments and other important dates I still can not get my mind off everything, especially "what's his face". No matter how hard I tried to procrastinate on my assignments there is no instant that I do not think of him. What's wrong with me? Why can't I go one day without thinking about him? I hate that I have to waste my time writing about someone who I know will never see me more than a friend. I need more busy work.... more and more until I realize he is no longer in mind. As I'm walking to one place to another, I try to think about school and how I'm stressing myself out but at some point he comes out. H. I want to say it's just an obsession but no, its not. Today prior to my class this morning, I took a 2 hour nap at Raza, and guess what I was thinking (dreaming) about, well him, not hard to guess. But that dream seem more than a dream it seem like reality, it felt so real as he was there by my side and hugging me. How weird is that? Seriously I think see someone about that.

But in other news, today I feel a bit better than yesterday. Seriously, that trip that I made during the weekend messed me up. Was it worth it? Yes, I had a blast with my girls. But I just wish I was a bit responsible though. Things happen for a reason right? But this time I really think that I didn't make the right choice thought. Or I don't know I'm more confused more than ever. Mi friend. I wish he could just text me again, I don't want to text him because I don't want to bother him. I'm going to give him his space. I just don't want to lose him, I really don't. I remember the first time I met him. HaU & HU So Cal Bash @El Dorado Park. HAhaha back in May 2010. I've known him about 2 years and 6 months. Memories <3. I want him to know that he knows me and he knows that the way I acted yesterday wasn't me. Oh get this, yesterday I went to the student health center and told me that I wasn't doing well and sent me home and rest. And fortunately this morning I was doing better.

Well lets see how this goes.!!!!